Lost…
25 years since we were innocent, 25 years since we had our drivers license, 25 years since we called each other freinds. 25 years ago I graduated from high school, with my handful of freinds I thought I was ready for the world, strong, confident and head strong. I could not have been more wrong. The people I thought would always be my freinds suddenly vanished as if fog on a summer morn, gone but not forgotten,at least not for me. High school was a horrific time for me, full of questions, doubts, tears and fears. I had my few freinds, but none I could confide in. It wasn’t until years later that I found myself and true freinds, freinds that didn’t question who I loved, why I loved or who I am.
This will be our 25th reunion, and though I started as a founding member, I am hesitate to go, don;t know why, maybe because the people I care to see might not be there, the freinds I lost 25 years ago that I so long to see again but haven’t the money to go see fills me with anxiety and tears. In my four years in high school, Lauren, Austin, Paul, Paula, Jan, Larry and Marion were my closest freinds, some closer than anyone in my family. But graduation day found me once again alone and abandoned, left without a shoulder to hug or hand to hold.
Why did my freinds abandon me, leave me, did I do something wrong, did I try too hard to be their freind, not try hard enough. The truth is, they lived, simply lived their lives without any care or knowledge of me. That’s fine, I guess, I always tend to get too clingy with people I love and like to be with, sometimes I think to the point of pushing them away. I hope I never did with these people.
I am given the chance to spend some time with two dear freinds I have lost for 25 years. I feel maybe I wasn’t freind enough for them to bother to keep in touch with, or maybe we were never freinds, just freindly. I will take this chance to renew these freindships, and hopefully re-bond with those I lost.
HIgh school is always a time of innocence and lost loves, lost freinds, rivals and competition. It’s our training ground for real life. Perhaps I failed, my freinds to me always pull the most weight in times of need and in needed times. My freinds to me, my real freinds, the ones that never lost me, are the ones that I will and always can call my freinds. Yes, I will go to both reunions and as I always do and am often proved wrong, go with open optimism for the best. I just hope this time I leave victorious in my renewals of freindships.
